Game on!
by Linneagb
Summary: My name is Cameron. Not Cam, not Cammy. Cameron- or GameOnCameron if you're into computer games like I am. At least those games gives me something to think about away from my real life of seizures, death and care homes. *Written for Epilepsy awareness*
1. Prologue

**The second Monday of February every year is always international Epilepsy awareness day… well. That's the way it is but not a lot of people know about it. I always try and write something for this. It's usually a oneshot but this time I couldn't come up with this. **

**As tdg- series are going on, we don't know what will happen during the rest of the series, maybe more characters will be coming and going and everything I won't be continuing this story until the series are over to make sure I get those right. **

**Until then I hope you like this chapter and start of this story. **

"Have you packed everything?"

I was standing in the hallway of Rainport house, home for kids about to move… again!

"Yes."

Why did I keep on having so many computer games sand even computer and clothes and everything when I probably knew I would be moving soon again,

I was always moving soon if I was in the middle of moving- like now.

"Look. Cam…"

"My name is Cameron."

"Cameron…" Jay, our care worker sat down in the stairs next to me. "I know you don't want to go. I don't want you to go either it's just…"

"You can't keep me here because nobody knows about Epilepsy. And if I have a seizure it freaks out the younger kids and bla bla bla. It's always something like that."

_As I moved and moved time again I felt the carpet burning towards my cheek as I- unwillingly pressed my head downwards towards the floor. _

"_It's okay Cammy." I heard Flora, a toddler living in the same care home as me right by me… "It's okay…" _

_Why, oh why did I have to be only briefly awake during these seizures? _

_Why couldn't I just go completely unconcious and then be blacked out…. _

_No, I was supposed to hear the whispering around me from the kids gathering around, feel the burn from a carpet or hits towards a hard floor as my head dunked towards it…_

_I hated these small kids that just couldn't get that they were only being super annoying. Those whose voices make my head pound even more… _

_After all the hundreds of seizures I should know and accept how each and every one of these went. That I'd try and relax but it wouldn't help, that I'd try and tense every piece of my body but it wouldn't stop the shaking. _

_That once the seizure was over I'd get sick and throw up everything I'd eaten the last few hours- hopefully it wasn't much. _

…"I know it sucks." Jay told me. "See it from the bright side. Where you're going now don't have any kids as young as Flora. And I know you think she and her friends are super-annoying with their squeaky voices that hurts in your head during a seizure…"

"I guess."

That didn't mean I wanted to move…

There was a knock on the door. And suddenly everyone came running…

"You must be Cam." Said the social worker who came in and faced all children who came running into the hallway to meet the new person, to tell me goodbye and come up even though I'd beenn alone until now since I hated them all just as much as most of them hated me.

"I'll miss you Cammy."

"My name is Cameron." I told the social worker. "Not Cam. Hey Flora." I stroke my hair down her brown hair. "Do you want to help me with carrying some things out to the car?"

I raised ana eyebrow at the social worker, he did have a care worker did have a car did he?

"I want to carry something. You have a lot of stuff."

I gave Flora a small bag carrying a laptop, charger and some computer games. She was walking proudly towards the door and ignored the social worker who was trying to talk and give instructions.

"My name is Robert." He told me. "Can you guys just make sure everything nothing is smashed into pieces and then we'll just be on our way…"

It took a while, but to get everything into the car I should know how by now when I'd moved four times in two years. However, every time I moved again there were more things…

"Is that all?" Robert questioned when he'd closed the back of the car. "Please tell me it is."

"Yup." I answered and looked down on Flora who was hugging my leg. "Come on Flora. You have to let my leg go unless you want to chop it off…"

I was trying to make a joke but she just cried.

"I don't want you to go Cammy."

"Come on Flora." Jay came from behind her and took her around her waist, pulling her off me. "You have to let him go now…"

"NO." Flora yelled crying. "NO, NO, NO. I DON'T WANT YOU TO GO. I WANT YOU TO STAY HERE WITH ME. YOU MAKE THE BEST PANCAKES AND YOU SHOW ME THE HORSES AND I CAN PLAY ON YOUR COMPUTER. DON'T GO DON'T GO DON'T GO."

It was getting hard to pretend I didn't care when I ignored her and got into the shotgun seat of Robert's car. Robert sighed and obviously wanted to say something, but when I just glared back at him he stopped and didn't start talking until we were on the highway.

"Do you know Pottiswood?" I thought back and remembered a small town and nodded. "That's where we're going and to a home called Ashdene Ridge… That little girl really didn't want you to leave, did she? Is she your friend?"

"I guess…"

"Well. I'm sure you'll like it at Ashdene Ridge. From what I've heard it's the best of its kind."

I didn't answer for two reasons. At first I just didn't mind, I'd been told that before. But then, I was going to say anything at all, but couldn't meanwhile I felt the muscles in my body tensing up and my head started hitting towards the window…

Damn, I couldn't even get away from the highway until this happened…

**Random fact **

I can very briefly remember something from one of the first seizures I had. Waking up only half-concious and my body moving in ways I didn't want it too, trying to tense, trying to relax. It's just so short… I don't know if I can remember the seizure or something after it when I was still tense and shaky in exhaustion after it. Even the hours after it I'm very blacked out and barely remember anything.

…I told my doctor I remembered it. He snorted at me and said I'd imagined things…

Anyway, there are sixty five million people with Epilepsy and epilepsy can be very different from one person to the other. I'm sure there are people who remembers the seizures themselves like Cameron do…

**There we go. As I'm writing this it's Sunday so I'll wait until tomorrow to put it up. By the time you read this I hope you liked it and I hope you'll keep reading once it goes on. **


	2. Arriving at Ashdene Ridge

**That's that, goodbye Tyler. Now Jody's the only one left who was there during TBR. And yet she was only in three episode. Anyway I thought it was the perfect way to write him off… So that's what I think…**

**Anyway, now the series are over and I can finally write a second chapter of this story. Since I started this story I noticed there are several stories of mine close to their endings. So that will give me more time to update this one and my other stories that are going on. **

**These are the ones ending**

**-When I returned  
-Shake it out  
-What goes around comes around  
-You are the best thing (that's ever been mine)  
-The search for a family **

**I don't really want to finish that last. I've really enjoyed writing it. **

**I'm currently working on the last chapter of yatbt. **

**And that's everything I wanted to let you know before you can get on and read the chapter. **

**Scott POV **

"GET IN THERE."

He arrived a good while later than what we had been told by the social worker. But I and May- Li and anyone else near the door jumped high when the door to the house slammed open and the social worker half pushed half threw the white and curly- haired boy into the hallway so hard he fell flat on his face.

"HEY." I was used to Robert using rough ways but this was just too much. "What's going on and what…" I could have smelt the vomit from long way. ",,,What happened? Did you get car sick?"

"No. He had an epileptic seizure." Robert said while I bent down and helped the young boy onto his feet, I'd have to wash my hands afterwards and wipe the floor, the front of his hoodie was covered in vomit. "And if there ever is another time. You three…" More and more kids had gathered in the hallway and Robert demanded on Jody, Finn and Nazeer. "…Go out to the car and get his stuff. "Now. Next time you want to puke in my car- or any car for that matter. At least open the door and don't get the puke all over the dashboard."

"He can't help it." May- Li defended him and the boy just glared back on his social worker.

"He could still help it if he at least opened the window…" Jody, Finn and Nazeer came inside with the things they had been carrying. And when Nazeerr put a big computer right next to him he sunk down and put his head in his hands. "Now. If you excuse me. I have to find the nearest gas station where I can clean out my car."

No one would have minded if he left the place sooner, now Robert turned and stomped out of the house.

"Come here." I supported the boy with my shoulders as we then could make our way up the stairs and towards the right bedroom. "Come on people, there's nothing to see here… Cameron was it right?"

"Mhm."

I could hear May- Li's voice behind us as she shooed the children away and them starting to grab Cameron's things again to come after me and him.

I did my best to try and sign to them to be quiet, Cameron had his eyes almost closed and winced at the light when I turned the lamp on, I could only imagine what sounds were like …

**Cameron POV **

The headache after one big seizure is something out of this world…

For every second that passed by it just got worse and worse and worse. I couldn't even keep my eyes fully open as if that would make it hurt any less.

And the only thing I wanted to do was to lie down and fall asleep.

"Here it is." Scott told me and supported me into a room where it was painted in blue and grey. "This room used to belong to…"

How was I supposed to say that I really didn't care? Especially not now.

"Well, I guess we could talk about that tomorrow." I heard more as people came into the room and brought my stuff. "That's great guys… perhaps you want something else to wear? Have you got something softer?"

"Green trunk." I said, by now with my eyes closed all. "Biggest part… Some sweatpants…"

I wouldn't have minded staying in my jeans if it wasn't for that the whole front of my shirt was covered in vomit and so were stains at my jeans that I barely manage to get out of…

At least I threw up with a seizure and didn't wet my pants- or more.

Somehow I managed to change into sweatpants and pull my hoodie off. I wasn't so sure if I'd ever remember how much of that Scott did help out with though. The only thing keeping me from collapsing was that if I did right away I'd have vomit over my bed too. Then finally I collapsed onto my new bed, on top of the covers, with one foot on the floor and one arm stretched out over my head.

I could hear Scott moving closer, and felt him grabbing my leg and carefully lift it up until he could lay it on the bed

I would have mumbled a thank you but I just couldn't move enough to make my muscles move enough to raise my voice or even move my lips. m

I was quite suråprised I could even be awake enough to hear him as he left the room…

But not long enough to hear the door closing…

**Random fact **

This was fairly… interesting to write. But the thing is I can barely remember anything from after seizures. I can remember though that I've felt so sick it was only willpower keeping me from throwing up (Eurgh! I hate throwing up) and not succeeding one of those times… I also have had that headache one or a few times… that is the worse!

**I suppose there's more than one thing I want to spread about Epilepsy. **


	3. Scott and May-Li

**Since I updated this story last I have finished three stories, you are the best thing (that's ever been mine), shake it out and what goes around comes around. **

**I also started a new story. "We're coming home" because I wanted to try a new fandom, and found one in flight 29 down. There's only a prologue up so far but I sort of like the idea of it. So if you've watched those series then you might like it. **

When I woke up my first morning in Ashdene Ridge the room, the whole house was quiet and dark.

A bit stiffly and achy I pushed myself up on my elbows and then stretched my neck by leaning my head front and backwards and to the sides.

Someone had been in here I could see, that someone had put a glass of water. I drank it slowly even though after all of the seizures I'd had- the disgusting phlegm from the vomiting wouldn't let it itself be washed away with only some water.

Putting the glass away I looked around the room, it looked as normal and plain as a room could possibly look. It had walls painted in blue and grey, a lamp, a window, a wardrobe, a desk with a rolling chair, the bed that I laid on and then the bags and stuff that had been put around the room.

And at last a pile of towels, shampoo, conditioner, soap and a note written on top of it.

I got up and read from it

_We didn't want to wake you after everything. _

_Feel free to take a bath or a shower, we guessed that you might need it. Also feel free to take what you want from the cupboards in the kitchen if you're hungry or thirsty. _

_We've taken the clothes you wore when you came here. They're being washed. _

_Try to keep as quiet as possible, people are sleeping. I'll be up by seven. Come and get me if you need anything. There are signs on every door where it says whose bedroom it is. _

_Scott. _

I felt through my pockets and pulled my phone up

_04: 57 _

I could have understood that I'd have to keep quiet in a room for a people without a note telling me to. How stupid did they think I was?

I had certain parts of my two trunks and big backpack for my stuff. One big, desktop computer that I carried as it was and a bag with a screen and a keyboard, and phone charger and chords for both the computers and the laptop I had…

In that way with putting everything in the same spot every time it was easy to find a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie- my clothes usually consisted of different pairs of sweatpants with hoodies or T-shirts with different prints.

I'm pretty sure that anyone with Epilepsy could agree that the shower after having a seizure were the nicest…

It wasn't until I came back into my room with my hair dripping wet and leaving wet foot stains where I went that I noticed actually someone had put a bucket next to my bed…

I only ever felt sick right after the seizure itself, I would have gone place the bucket in a bathroom or a cleaning cupboard but it was just that I had no idea where it was supposed to go and with that knowledge I threw my clothes in a corner to wait to know where to put it for laundry and then went to get breakfast.

_Staff bedroom _

With every step I took I passed time and again different doors with signs on them…

A part of me told me that I should knock on the door and at least let that Scott know that I was alive.

And yes! People had been hesitating about that after I had collapsed after a seizure.

I just shook my head and tried to figure in this house there would be a kitchen. It would be downstairs for sure…

Somehow I made my way into the kitchen and found something to eat.

When I could close the door behind me and put the plate with sandwiches and glass of apple juice on my bedside table that I no longer felt as if I was being watched and had to be careful with every move.

I quickly found my dosette pill box in a side pocket of my backpack. It was always the first things I packed when I was moving again, and then checked a million times before I moved.

If I forgot. And then didn't have time to get them…

Been there, done that!

I took my laptop and with my back against the wall and one hand holding a sandwich I started playing…

The thing was that when I was playing, whether it was fortnite or any other game, the rest of my world would just disappear. And until I put the laptop away again I wouldn't be thinking of being in a new care home, however the people in here would like me…

Not that I cared, they could dislike me all they wanted just as long as they stayed out of my way…

…I wasn't worrying about when or where I'd have a seizure the last time or the next. And most important of all- I wouldn't be worrying about what it would take before they made me move again.

Actually, nothing else than the game mattered for the next two hours, I didn't even send a glance towards the clock or anything until there was someone knocking on my door.

"Come in?"

"Hello." Scott, that I had met yesterday opened the door and leaned against it. "Are you awake?"

"Obviously."

Scott laughed shortly, then came and sat down on the chair by my desk.

If he had expected I was going to have a talk with him then he was wrong.

"It would be nice if you could look away from your games and talk to me please."

"Mhm." I didn't do it. "I guess it would."

I could hear Scott sighing as if he had the world on his shoulders.

"Well, if you ever feel like talking about anything then I won't be far away." He stood, then obviously saw somehing and froze. "You're not allowed to take food and eat it in your room." I just shrugged and looked back to my game but in the corner of my eye Scott coming into the room and taking it from my bedside table. "I'll forget about it this time since there was no way for you to know."

"Mhm."

People had complained to me loads of times that I barely looked away from the screen when I was playing my games- well let them think so…

"I wasn't here for another several years. But from what I've heard- the rule from not eating on one's room came because the whole house started smelling because one kid would eat in his room and then leave the leftovers and let it get bad and smelly…. I can just see that in front of me."

I couldn't help but snort at him. I just wanted him to go and let me concentrate on my games.

"You should come out once the others are starting to get up and have their breakfast. I know that everyone have really looked forward to meeting you."

"Mhm"

"I just hoped you'd get to know the others. After all, you're going to be living under the same roof and no one knows for how long."

_Probably not long. I usually never stayed at one place for more than a couple of weeks. _

"Well, you'll have to do anything then to play computer games anyway. So when you hear the others start getting up you could come along… I promise you the others aren't as dangerous as they look."

Couldn't he just leave already?

"Won't all of those computer games cause a seizure? With all the blinking I mean?"

I could probably have counted the seconds down untin he had asked that one question- everyone did!

"As little as about three percent of all types of Epilepsy has a trigger of blinking." I still talked without looking at Scott. "But people always think it's a hundred."

It was quiet for another while.

"So what triggers your seizures?"

"Lack of sleep, not eating properly, temperature… had I been a girl I would have gotten seizures when I was on my period."

Scott gave a short laugh.

"How many kinds of Epilepsy are there."

"Forty kinds of seizures spread over a hundred and fifty types of Epilepsy."

"One hundred and fifty?"

I was used to people sounding quite impressed to that. But maybe if people ever cared for it as much as I did then they wouldn't have to annoy me.

"I didn't know that… but you seem to want to get back to your game…"

Noooo…

You think…

"I'll be going home soon but then May- Li's arriving. And she's really nice too."

Ugh! Why couldn't just people stop treating me like a little kid and let me decide what I thought of different people?

"Well, do you have any other hobbies than playing computer games?"

I had spent all morning in my room playing video games. At last I went downstairs where a few of the other kids sat around the kitchen table and they started asking me stuff.

I just shrugged.

"Do you ever really answer questions?"

I just shrugged again.

"Something really tells me you won't exactly be the most popular the dumping ground has ever seen."

Now that caught my attention.

"The dumping ground?"

"It's like a dumping ground for kids." Sasha explained to me. "A girl named Tracy Beaker came up with it while she came into care… It stuck."

"Sort of a morbid name for a care home."

"You'll get used to it."

Maybe I would, I usually got used to things that were different from one care home to the other.

Children, adults, bedrooms..

Even the thought of how much I found out about the other people living there…

I got used to never telling anyone about me. And letting them think whatever they wanted…

All I needed were myself and my things…

There was just one problem with those.

Sometimes when I saw all these things I got the feeling I shouldn't have them. That I'd stolen them…

Among everything I was, I wasn't a thief. All the things I owned were paid for very well.

It was just that the money came from my only family member who lived in an asylum after she had lost two of her three kids and her husband…

My mum was in that asylum alive- well that was in difference from my dad and my little sister and brother Bridget and Maximilian.

But I wouldn't have to tell all the people of the dumping ground that.

"Cameron." I had been far gone in my own thoughts when May- Li came back. "Can I see you in the office please?"

Geez, not even twenty four hours. And I knew that tone in the voice- they were going to kick me out.

"I know you haven't even been here for 24 hours even. But for Chloe we set rules and limits of how much she can play computer games in one day. So even though you- unlike Chloe have your own computers to play on. You too will have to follow those rules." I sighed and rolled my eyes. "And none of that please, or we'll shorten it even more. Now, we can't stop you from having the computer in your room. But you won't be allowed on it for more than two hours each day. You can split it up any way you want. If you want to two hours at once or one hour at the time- and we'll let everybody know so they will keep an eye on that you follow the rules we've set. Okay?"

"That's okay unless people are watching me at all times."

"They won't be watching you if you just follow the rules. And there's one more."

"What?"

"Please look away from your computer and turn off the game when people are trying to talk to you."

"Fine then."

"Will you follow them?"

"Yes."

I had lived on so many placed by now, both with rules like this one and without. I had learnt I didn't really have a choice than to follow the rules the care workers had put there for reasons…

I had learnt long ago that it was a bad idea to say it. That if I said it people would either accuse me of playing the victim, or they would start feeling sorry for me- nothing of which I needed.

_So they took away from me the only thing that kept me away from misery._

"Was that all you wanted to say?"

"Yes?"

"Can I go now?"

"Yes… But Cameron?"

"Yes?"

"Why don't you put an actual effort into getting to know people living here. After all, you'll be living under the same roof…"

Without giving her an answer I rushed out of the room, up the stairs where I rushed into my room and kicked as hard as I could into the wall…

I usually hated the people I came to…

I just wanted to ignore that it hurt when people hated me back. And even more when they said something that confirmed it.

"_Something really tells me you won't exactly be the most popular the dumping ground has ever seen."_

**Random fact **

I have to say- even though he's my character Cameron isn't the easiest to write. But I'm still looking forward to writing about him more.


	4. My name and yours

**I'm so sorry for not updating this story in months. I've wanted to but at first I couldn't make up a storyline for this chapter and then I'm also suffering **

**A while ago while I was planning for this chapter I had the idea that they should be making a door sign for Cameron's room. Then I read a chapter about someone doinng it. I don't remember what story it was but I decided to go with this anyway and hopefully everyone will be okay with it and I'm not just copying another story. **

**First I just wanted to go through some things I had it written in another way first but it got a bit confusing. So at first I just wanted to speak about some new stories I started. **

**-Alone together (It's for the dumping ground and what they come up with doing during the lockdown) **

**-What I did for hate (It's also for the dumping ground and I came up with the idea watching Bec's first episode. I was also listening to the song what I did for love by Josh Groban. And it's about Bec getting some news about her gran) **

**-I'll tell you I'm fine (But I'm actually not) (this is for Alexa and Katie and I wanted to write something for that series. It was supposed to be a oneshot. But then I got an idea and it will have three chapters at last) **

**And then I've also written a bunch of oneshots **

**-The Christmukkah wish that didn't come true (For the O. C. Wanted to write something for her when our dog Jippie had to be put down) **

**-The devil on the wall (For saddle club, written in memory of Cathy Godbold) **

**-You get what you need (I wanted to write something for red band society) **

**-Real family isn't always by blood (I wanted to write something for no good Nick) **

**-Reunited (A oneshot I wrote in school about ten years ago. Made as writing something for lord of the flies) **

**-Happy birthday to you (written for once upon a time. Also a birthday gift for Ally R. Swan) **

**And I just keep on thinking about new ideas. And I always wants to try for a new series or movie or book or somethinng. **

**So at last. Now with story… **

I had never noticed how slowly time would pass by without computer games…

Most of the afternoon I laid on my bed and stared into the celing. I had been told that I could paint or wall paper my room any way I wanted but I just couldn't mind to even think right now…

Any way I wanted…

Well, being in care or not I was fourteen years old and I could run over my own time no matter what anyone thought or not…

With the thought that I could play my games all I wanted I got up from my bed and threw myself in the desk chair putting the computer on and taking my headphones from my bag.

At first I planned to keep silent and careful, but with headphones on and games I disappeared into my own world and didn't come back again until Scott made me jump by pulling the headphones off my head.

"OI!" I shouted. "What did you do that for?"

Scott only looked back at me. Sure, he and May- Li had set one rule but so what?

"That picking on your keyboard could be heard loudly, and you know, the rules we set are there for a reason." I rolled my eyes with a sigh. "I think I know… it's lunch now anyway. And if you can't show us we can trust you then we'll take the whole thing out of your room and you won't get it it back until you leave this place."

It shouldn't be too long.

"Here Cam." I barely had the time to sit before May- Li came with the pan and started putting food on my plate. "You do use that nickname, do you?"

"No!" I fizzled, a bit ruder than I had planned. "It's like the only name that is any worse than Cameron itself."

"It's not that bad." Viv said. "I'm the opposite. I couldn't stand even the thought that someone would call me Vivienne." The dark girl made a grimace to show what she thought about it. "And my full name's Vivienne Jane Fletcher- exactly how stupid can a name sound?"

"Still better than mine." Katy rolled her eyes. "Kathryn."

"Isn't Katy your full name?" Viv questioned and the blonde girl shook her head. "I had no idea… So what's your middle and last name?"

"My mum's name- Kathryn Maria White."

"For me too." Jody raised her hand in a slight wave. "Jody Denise Jackson…"

"So what about you?" Viv looked to me. "What's your full name?"

I would bet I had the longest name the dumping ground had ever seen.

"Cameron Ryder Kennedy-Shaw… my parents were married but they couldn't decide on a last name and we… I got a name using the both of them."

I took another bite of chicken so that maybe they'd leave me be about the name.

"Do you like horse-riding?"

"Why do you have two surnames?"

I rolled my eyes at Floss and Taz who had asked the question- couldn't people just leave me be soon?

"I don't care for horses." I lied. "And it's spelt with a Y. And my parents never married. Being that way the child is usually given the dad's last name…"

"Why?"

"I don't know." I sighed, how many questions could this girl have? "…But they gave me both."

"Do you have any sisters or brothers?"

"Kids." May- Li interrupted. "I think that's enough of questions for now." I silently breathed out. "You may leave the table if you want Cameron. This must be tiring for you."

I couldn't leave fast enough.

When I went into mt room I found a bunch of photos in the side pocket of my trunk. Riffling through them I knew I still knew what they were of and what order they laid in.

Two of my favorite cards told the stories of the answers of the questions I'd received before.

On the first of those I laid on my stomach on a horse's back. The picture was shot from in front of me, somewhere outside of the picture the sun was shining bright, just like the smile on my face- I had been seven years old and without any worries larger than that the school cafeteria's food wasn't good.

There wasn't a saddle, there wasn't a helmet, there weren't reins. Only me and a horse named Queenie… and my dad the photographer of course.

I had been horse riding for as far as I could remember, most of it on Queenie. She never made a single move or a single sound unless she would be asked to, and she'd been to every baby or toddler that she ever met…

One might think that the crash that killed my dad and siblings were her fault. But it wasn't, it was mine. And she was killed too…

I gave a shaky sigh when I kept riffling through the photos. I could never get used to look on these and the stories behind them…

One of the other photos had been shot just a few days before everything had changed, I was nine years old. The twins were two and we had been at a photographer's… well, dad's…

How could those three smiles have spoken about something terrible?

I threw the photos in the drawer of my bedside table and threw it shut…

Trying to think of something else, and stop the pictures on the inside of my eyelids I only hesitated about what to do for a second, then I pulled up a portable DVD-player from my bag (this wasn't a computer) and turned a Harry Potter-movie on.

I was far gone into the world of Hogwarts, the difference in between Snape, McGonagall and Quirrell and one who must not be named I jumped high when suddenly there was knock on my door.

"Yes?"

Floss, Katy and Taz came into the room and looked around.

"Did you want something?"

"I thought you weren't supposed to use a computer."

Could red-haired, young teenager be any more like a jealous five year old?

"This isn't a computer. I use it to watch movies. Is everything you wanted to come here and check and then go to snitch to a care worker?"

"No…" Floss seemed offended. "We made you this."

Floss reached me a wrapped, flat gift. I took it and threw the wrapping paper off. As it fell towards the floor I read on the sign that was white, with a purple ribbon in one corner and with purple text.

_Cameron Ryder Kennedy-Shaw's room _

_World's best epileptic gamer _

I looked down on it for just one second…

"Well?" I heard Floss's voice. "What do you think?"

I didn't answer her, I just ripped it- first in halves, then in quarters…

"Kids." May- Li came up and sent looks to Katy and Taz. "Bed time for you two ladies."

None of the girls moved. Then Katy and Taz slowly moved towards the door and Floss was still staring at me.

"Can you get out?"

"WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR? WE SPENT AGES ON THAT."

"Stop shouting" I rolled my eyes. "Can you just get out?"

Floss more or less looked like she wanted to cry.

"YOU'RE MEAN."

At last she gave one last shout and stomped around and out of the room- finally.

I waited for a couple of minutes, and then- with the Harry Potter-movie still running on the screen next to me I kneeled to the floor and picked up the pieces of my name tag…

It was only that one word I could see…

_Epileptic._

**Random fact**

I've had this up on my computer for more than a month at least. But I just couldn't get on with the chapter. Anyway, here is one and some things will start changing in the next chapter.


	5. If I stay

**I have deleted a few stories since I last updated. Most of them doesn't really matter. I also deleted a story I was working on called alone together. As I didn't have any interest in it and it wouldn't have ended up any good. **

**I have also added a few oneshots (again) so I guess I'll list them here and maybe someone will find something they would like and check out. **

**-A new type of music- If only  
-Nobody said it was easy (take me back to the start)- Everything, everything  
-If only I could find the answer- Cobra Kai  
-Words I could say, feelings I couldn't- Cobra Kai (for Epilepsy/ seizure/ SUDEP awareness)  
-Could this really be the truth?- Cobra Kai **

**So yes, as you can see I'm a bit obsessed with Cobra Kai for the moment. **

The day after Floss, Taz and Katy had given me that door sign I had as good as forgotten all about it.

Well, I would have if I hadn't seen the pieces of it in the bin with one single word still visible.

_Epileptic _

At last, without even going to have breakfast I went to sit by the computer and on the way I grabbed the piece of paper from the bin and ripped it into small pieces.

"Cameron" suddenly there was a knock on the door and I could hear May- Li's voice.

"Yeah?"

I knew pretty much what it would be. And May-Li opened the door and stepped inside.

"Aren't you coming down for breakfast?"

"No."

"Are you feeling alright?"

"I'm fine. I barely ever have breakfast anyway…" I paused the game unwillingly and looked at May- Li. "It makes me feel nauseas."

"You should have told us sooner. Well then, you can decide for yourself. But remember your time limit with the computer."

As if I could forget…

I kept playing, while I heard moving outside my bedroom door as everyone else started getting ready for their days.

I couldn't wait for the day I could move out and be in my own flat or house and get away from all people and stupid kids…

I had only barely been able to shut out the noise of everyone else and with headphones on I concentraded on the game when suddenly there was a knock on my door.

Two hours couldn't have passed yet.

"What?" Katy came in holding a flat, wrapped gift in her hands. "You're not coming with another door sign are you? Because if so, I don't want it."

"The thing is." Katy moved the parcel a bit in her hands. "I was thinking about the one that what we did. And the thing I realized was that… I wouldn't have liked it neither. I wouldn't have liked to always be reminded of a disease and everyone else being reminded of it too."

I snorted at her. Whatever I said it should be obvious.

"So I made you another one."

I sighed, obviously the little girl wasn't going to let it go so I turned on my chair and took the parcel she reached me. I carefully opened it and pulled out my new door sign that was blue, and had aa few pictures from different computer games glued to it.

_World's best gamer _

_Cameron _

"Awesome."

I just didn't want to admit that it actually looked quite nice and it felt nice that she had even bothered to make it.

"I have the tape so we can put it on the door if you want."

And then, for just a moment Katy was my sister. Bridget who, at three years old had been sitting on my lap trying out all the different paints and stationary. Who had wanted well for anyone and who had smiled at me just the way that Katy did now.

My voice was shaky when I spoke again.

"Sure."

I took the tape and scissors Katy handed me and got up, while I put the sign of my name Floss walked by, if glares could have killed there wouldn't have been much left of me but I ignored her and finished what I was doing. While I was with my back against her Katy looked around the room, I wanted to scold her for it…

But why shouldn't she? She hadn't touched anything of mine or even commented.

"Scott and May- Li would probably let you rearrange this room any way you wanted it to be. Maybe you could put up some photos you like and get a big desk for that computer."

I looked to the quite small desk I had had to put my computer on. And I saw in front of me for a second how it could look if I had one big desk with shelves and maybe a bulletin board…

"Hmm.."

"I have to share room with Taz. And boys and girls can't share but… how do you think you would like your room to be if you could decide just now?"

A thought flashed by for myself. What if I should just want Katy to leave, go anywhere but here so she could leave me alone.

Then I stopped myself at the last second. I wasn't so sure why but I suddenly looked around and actually wondered about how I would like this room- would I like to keep this blue walls?

"Black." I said at last. "I'd like black walls."

"Black? Wouldn't that look a bit strange? What color furniture and everything would you have then?"

"Silver. I want the walls black and my bed and my desk and everything painted in silver. And then I want a big desk and a bulletin board."

"It might look nice. I'm sure May- Li and Scott would help you with that."

"If this place can't pay for it then my mum has a lot of money…" She raised an eyebrow. "It's hard to explain… Anyway. Maybe if I for real have a friend here they'll let me stay here."

"Why wouldn't they let you stay?"

"It's just." Why had I said that. "You know. I got sick on the way here and it was because I have Epilepsy. And then… Ashdene Ridge is my ninnth care home because I've been thrown out and moved so many times."

"Ashdene Ridge isn't like that."

I snorted, where had I heard that one before? At pretty much every place I came to.

"No. I promise. Ashdene Ridge really isn't like that. No one here will kick you out for being sick and not for any other reason neither."

I had dared to hope before, then been heartbroken when I had to move. But Katy seemed so sure.

I was lucky I didn't have to think of anything to say, May- Li suddenly came down the hall and I heard her calling everyone for a house meeting in the living room.

"As we all know…" She started when we'd all gathered. "School starts soon for the fall term."

There were some spread moans and sighing around the room. I didn't say anything- I couldn't say I disliked school anyway but every year I had to go to another new one. Just like this time.

"I like going to school."

Of course she did…

"We know that Katy, and that's great. Anyway. Most of you are old enough to go into the mall on your own. But I'd appreciate if none of you goes alone. Neither now nor any other time. And maybe some of you can take the school uniforms hand-me-down's and we won't have to pay for new ones. Hmmm. Cameron, there used to be a boy here called Ryan and I think his old uniform could suit you. I'll go and get them and you can try them."

I really couldn't care any less if I had hand me downs or new.

No matter what Katy or anyone else said. If I tried to believe I'd be staying her there was a voice in my head that told me that I couldn't know that. And that if I dared hope I would be heartbroken when they decided I'd get kicked out again.

I'd done that enough of times…

"Can we go together?"

Katy's voice interrupted my thoughts and it took me a second before I realized she was talking to me.

"Did you say something?"

"If they don't want us to go alone. Then can we go together Cam?"

"We can go together if you promise not to call me Cam."

"Can we go into town together, you and I Cameron?"

"Sure."

Maybe I wouldn't be admitting it just yet. But something in me actually felt good every time it seemed like someone wanted to be my friend. And obviously Katy did.

But no matter how much thinking and how much hesitating and how many friends or enemies I made in one day. Like for many people, most of the thoughts came at night, when I was lying in my bed staring into the ceiling.

The house was all quiet, like it would never be at daytime, and I was left alone with my wondering.

_I wonder how long I will be staying at this house, at this school. _

Every year when the fall came I'd be wondering.

So many times I'd been told I wouldn't have to worry about getting moved again.

"And so many times I had been thrown out of the place anyway.

Then, all of a sudden I remembered how I'd had a seizure on the way here and puked right on the headboard of the social worker's car. Maybe the fact that they hadn't yelled at me to turn in the door and go away.

Maybe that one seizure was a good sign and had meant to be…

I shook my head and turned on my other side. It wasn't like I believed there could be signs like that.

But as I drifted off and let sleep overtake my body I knew more than ever I'd never had believed in signs that came just like that.

Would there even be a meaning with asking to make this room my own? What if it was only half finished when I had another seizure and they decided to kick me out?

**Random fact**

I actually really like the fact that Katy and Cameron could be friends.


End file.
